For You, With Love
by thesquiglet
Summary: This was inspired by niuniujiaojiao (The Dictionary of Us) and lilatheintrovert (The Definition of a Hero) fics on a03 on the Nothing Much To Do platform. Both were so beautiful. I hope I've done this justice. Enjoy. Xx


**Okay as said in the summary this is based off some beautiful writing and it wouldn't feel right that I'd written something inspired by them and not give a shoutout.**

 **I love Class but I just love Matteusz.**

 **I do not own Class, Patrick Ness does. On with the fic, let me know if you liked it. Love for you all. Xx**

Charlie, tonight I woke with nightmares and not for the first time either. You watched as I tossed and turned. I could feel you, so you need not worry. Then once you thought I was okay, you fell back asleep while I replayed each one over in my head. Sometimes I think I don't know what I did to get you but then I saw see your smile, have you make me laugh and allow me to cry and I realise...it's everything. I deserve happiness and so do you. However with with all of this I still feel fear, I still worry. No one could capture way I feel, how my heart speeds up. No one could write our story better than us. So that's what I'll make here. I still care Charlie. We're not breaking. I forgive. I love. Don't forget that. My heart is still breaking for you, I feel it'll never stop.

I love you.

This is for you.

 _Anger (n)_

My father. Things I do not like.

* * *

 _Animal (n)_

You once told me you had trouble deciding what your favourite one was, now after seeing some more, I wonder what your answer would be.

* * *

 _Backwards (adj)_

Something tells me you might get confused when reading this. I'm going to be jumping around. I hope it turns out okay. These are our most important things to me and after these few weeks,a little bit of distortion from beginning to end I do not think will not matter. Do not worry. Things will stay clear.

* * *

 _Beautiful (adj)_

With every day passing I see this within you. Even when red rimmed or sick with cold, I see beauty.

* * *

 _Being (n)_

Sometimes I need to remind myself I am in existence. Sometimes I forget I can still be me without you. I was me before we met and I will be. This is not a bad thing or intent to hurt you but a gentle reminder. No one should constantly in each other's pockets forgetting own dreams.

* * *

 _Brave (adj)_

What you are.

The first thing you said to me after I was kicked out.

How I felt when I told my family who I was.

How I felt when I left Poland.

When I first learnt and spoke English even if not very good.

I wish I could simply give this to you instead of placing it on your computer.

* * *

 _Broken (v)_

I have days where this is all I people's words come to haunt me, where my English trips up, where I have trouble in and out of school. Days I just want to hide because real life at that time is too much. Where I cry and wish for Poland and my babcia with her wise words and her warm cookies.

Sometimes I whether you notice because these are the days I avoid everything.

Even you.

* * *

 _Combine (v)_

Our first real conversation. I can hear your confusion and amused huff. We speak before, yes but not deeply. In your arms we speak of your home, of childhood and hopes for the future. No doubts in my mind that we are not compatible, Combined together.

* * *

 _Complain (v)_

The amount I've heard you do is more than Miss Quill when it comes to chores. These days I choose to decide with her that you are partly a diva. A cute one but even alien princes need to do dishes Charlie.

* * *

 _Complete (adj)_

I come from school to this place you share and the three of us sit and read as the sun sets.

* * *

 _Constant (adj)_

Your presence.

* * *

 _Contrast (n)_

Poland - Cold, blustery, sunny

England - Rainy, windy, foggy. The sunny days unless heatwave is far and between.

* * *

 _Danger (n)_

Chasing aliens is not something I ever imagined doing nor being held to sacrifice by them. I wonder when we come head to head with them.

* * *

 _Emotional (adj)_

The day after detention.

* * *

 _Enough (p.n)_

I will be.

* * *

 _Faith (n)_

I believed before we met that I would one day work up the courage to do. Then I kept faith we would go on other dates after the first revelations. I wished for nothing to hurt or break but things did. I'm trying to rebuild it. I know you are too.

* * *

 _Fight (v)_

"You'll grow out of it, it's just a phase"

"I do not want that boy round here ever again"

"You have a choice, you stay here with family, get help or you leave"

"They've...thrown me out"

* * *

 _Find (v)_

I'm searching for the light in your eyes.

They're hard to find these days.

* * *

 _Friends (n)_

Ram, April, Tanya. Bunghole Defense Squad - Tanya taught me that while Ram invited me to a football game. April sometimes gives me extra tutoring. I am grateful, lucky to have such warm people.

* * *

 _Football (n)_

There are some things I think you will never understand.

* * *

 _Fond (adj)_

There are such sights I adore such as sunset and balloons but nothing more than the fact you know and remember how I take my coffee or concern when you think I am catching cold.

* * *

 _Found (n)_

When you look at me, the world rights itself.

* * *

 _Fun (n)_

We would not be complete if we did not laugh together. If we did not have races from one end of the street to other. If we did not send silly notes or funny faces during classes. Being silly and childlike is something I enjoy the most.

* * *

 _Game (n)_

There are things to you I do not like. Were you thinking of using the Cabinet again? I saw you staring at it once more last night, I do not wish to push but leave the souls Charlie. What happens when they do go? What happens to you? What if we lose? When did we last see Ram laugh or Tanya smile? How many others do we hurt? And what about us? What happens if you use it, do we get pushed aside, do I? Is Earth just game?

* * *

 _Ground (n)_

I think maybe that was harsh. I know you care Charlie and I promise to love all of you even the bits I do not like. We keep each other grounded and rooted. I know you care.

* * *

 _Grow (v)_

There's still so much to learn; about the world, about us, About myself. I'm glad to have chances to do so.

* * *

 _Home (n)_

My place of belonging keeps changing but here I feel I have people worth coming home to. The little things. Quil's coffee cup, Tanya's giggles, Ram's teasing, April's kindness and the scent of your shampoo (orange blossoms)

* * *

 _Hope (n)_

We'll figure things out.

We'll work it out.

Just...don't shut me out Charlie...

Please.

* * *

 _Hurt (v)_

I'm sorry for the things I said in detention. I'm sorry I tore your shirt, when I dropped a cup on the floor smashing it into pieces. The first time I went near your cabinet without asking.I'm sorry about detention if for the look on your face. I love you. I'm sorry it was the truth. I replay every bit of it, it makes my heart constrict.

* * *

 _Ice Cream (n)_

"I think we should have a redo, don't you think? A proper date I mean. Without worry" I let you order for me while I paid. To this day vanilla and strawberry is my favourite.

* * *

 _Impact (n)_

I don't think we really know the influence we have on each other but I think between us, it's a good one.

* * *

 _Important (adj)_

My babcia.

My work.

My happiness.

What we have.

* * *

 _Kill (v)_

I hate this word.

What made you think it was okay to pick up the stone? What made you think I'd be okay with it?

I was scared Charlie. You scared me. Never mind you losing me. I thought I'd lost you. You scared me.

* * *

 _Kindness (n)_

I hear word tossed around more than once. Not many people treat me with it. To some I am just the immigrant but to you I am just Matteusz - a person looking for a smile, a friend. The first thing you said to me was in our hallway to Physics - a person had knocked into me and I lost footing. You appeared offering a hand and asking if I was hurt. The first time someone had shown me concern. The moment I started to wonder what it'd be like to stay clear with you. I think it was the moment I started to like you.

* * *

 _Kiss (v)_

There's just something nice and safe when I kiss your forehead or when you kiss the top of mine or cheek. Is comforting. I think I like more than mouth kisses.

* * *

 _Liability (n)_

I refuse to be one.

* * *

 _Letters (n)_

I wonder whether you've found the ones I've tried to write you. I have so much and so little to tell you.

* * *

 _Lies (v)_

I don't miss my family.

English is easy.

There are days I wish I stopped loving you.

* * *

 _Lilac (n)_

Your favourite colour

* * *

 _Little (adj)_

Just a little taller than you.

How I fell for you, bit by bit.

* * *

 _Live (v)_

I want to.

* * *

 _Loser (n)_

I used to think this was the worst thing to be called. It is not.

* * *

 _Loss (n)_

Anytime I could lose you. Any day. Like my father. Like my friends back home. I try not to think of these things. This had always been a big part of my life, I don't think it'll stop.

* * *

 _Lost (v)_

I am too.

* * *

 _Love (n)_

I really, really do. I couldn't stop if I wanted too. You're imprinted on my heart. I can't wait to watch you wake, to have our first chat of the day, to walk with you to school hand in hand. To just to be around you. I love you. I love loving you. I'm so lucky.

* * *

 _Maths (n)_

I'm hopeless at it. You're worse though. Just means extra study with more hugs.

* * *

 _Moral (adj)_

Everyone has them, you have yours even if sometimes I wish to disagree with them. I just don't like seeing people hurt. There is so much darkness, so much pain. Why must we add to it?

* * *

 _Music (n)_

Earth has beautiful songs but I think the ones you told me about Rhodia mean so much more.

* * *

 _Nothing (p.n)_

I was told I would always be this. Not just by family but by strangers, teachers who did not bother to help me. Add to having ear pierced, being gay and there's my downfall.

* * *

 _October (n)_

I cannot wait for you to witness Halloween.

* * *

 _Promise (n)_

"Then I will find you"

* * *

 _Poland (n)_

Somewhere precious,

My homeland. I'd love to show you one day, for now the world map will do.

* * *

 _Quintessence (n)_

Something tells me you enjoyed being leader. And that it was the right job for you.

* * *

 _Ready (adj)_

I don't think I ever will be, not for this sort of cause.

* * *

 _Real (adj)_

I cannot believe you are. I can't believe aliens are. Life changed. Not for the bad but different.

* * *

 _Right (adj)_

It feels as if I should be doing this though. Helping people, not letting others get hurt. I most likely said already, yeah? You always tend to say I repeat some things.

* * *

 _Short (adj)_

Our time.

* * *

 _Silliness (n)_

I love laughing with you. I love being allowed to be myself around you.

* * *

 _Storm (n)_

I enjoy them.

You do not.

* * *

 _Story (n)_

Ours is beautiful. I hope it continues. Flaws and all.

* * *

 _Sweet (adj)_

You call me this at least once or twice a day. So are you. I think I should tell you more. I tell you now; when you ask how my day goes, how you offer hugs willingly. When you let me take a sip of your drink. When you come to my aid or offer me stories. You're sweet - like Charlie and chocolate factory.

* * *

 _Thoughtful (adj)_

Much as you dislike her, I think Miss Quill looks out for you.

I hope you're sleeping well. I hope there's nice dreams.

* * *

 _Tuition (n)_

Me to you teaching about our culture. I have not made myself laugh as much since I showed you bubble wrap or saw the sadness when you learned of homelessness and ignorance.

* * *

 _Unjust (adj)_

What happened to you.

* * *

 _Unkempt (adj)_

My clothes look as haggard as I feel. I have made sure to stay put together - they will not get to me - beside from few days

1: Leaving Poland/landing in Poland

2: After prom

3: Being chucked out

4: After having guns pointed at me to force you into using the Cabinet. I was fearful for you.

5: After detention

* * *

 _Unwavering (adj)_

My love for you, the safety of our friends, our relationship. My faith.

* * *

 _Validation (n)_

Both of us need reminding we're worth it at times and that we're okay. You matter Charlie. Not just to me. You matter.

* * *

 _Value (n)_

The necklace I wear.

Tanya's intelligence.

My first present from Ram - Just Dance is the most played within our group giving much happiness.

April's organising days for coffee one on one and asking how I am not settling for anything except the truth.

My grandmother.

The truth.

My heart.

My compass towards others.

* * *

 _Weaken (v)_

I look at you again and I crumble. I think this also happens to you also. Emotions between us always on show.

* * *

 _Wish (v)_

"I wish for you"

Sometimes I want to shake you and ask if you're sure. Are you really sure you wish for me? Even when we share the harshest of truths? I like you wish for me though. How could I not?

* * *

 _Worldwide (adj)_

Rhodia will always exist in heart and spirit.

* * *

Xenophobia (n)

"Immigrant"

"Go back to where you came from"

"We don't like your sort around us"

"Leave already"

"Look at the Polish loner"

* * *

 _You (p.n)_

Safe/comforting

Love

Indescribable

* * *

 _Youth (n)_

If only it could have lasted longer but then I wonder...what about today? Would we still stay the same?

* * *

 _Zigzag (n)_

No love will ever have the same destination, same memories and same stories.

* * *

I hope in doing this, I've done ours justice.

There's so much I could fit in here but these have been the most important. Right this moment the sun is glaring through and I can feel you coming back to life. It is time to put pens down and embrace company. Before I go make our drinks, I tell you one more thing -

My life has changed. Whether this is for good we shall see - right now I am happy, peaceful. I hold my heart open with love for you.

Good morning.

I've wished for you too.


End file.
